So, there’s this guy…

#chatswithpeople #chatswithparents #chatsaboutmarriage #25

Disclaimer: This is fiction. Okay? Not inspired by real events at all. It never happened to me.
Okay? Okay.

Appa:…and the boy is in Yew Yes Yay
Girl:….let me guess. He’s an engineer?
Appa: (astonished) How did you know??
Girl: Sigh. I’m saying No.

Amma: So, he will call you up then to speak to you and then we can say yes.
Girl: No.
Amma: Very good. Shall we say 9.30?
Girl: No.

Appa: So you have to get up at least at 8 am so you can be bathed and ready.
Girl: How does it matter if I’m bathed or not for the phone call Anyway, I’m not awake till at least 9 am. And anyway, No.

Appa: What do you mean you’re not awake? Then what, we have to ask him to call AT NIGHT? AFTER 6 PM? ARE YOU MAD?
Girl: Who has conversations in the morning?? Also, still, No. To all of it.
Amma: At least three of your aunties call me everyday at 6.30 am to ask what I have finished cooking for the day.

Appa: Anyway, it is better we set a time.
Girl:…because of the time difference?
Appa: What time difference?

Girl:…. USA to India?
Amma: Aiyo no no. We must ensure he does not call in Rahu kalam*. So tomorrow is…Tuesday. Ah okay, he can call in the morning any time.

Girl: No. There’s no calling no nothing. He’s a moron.
Amma: Foolish girl. He’s not a moron, he’s a Madhava. When will you learn the subsects?
Girl: Never. Just No to all of this.

Appa (approvingly): Shy. Finally, she is becoming South Indian.
Girl: I’m adopted no? Just say yes. And again, No.

*Rahu Kalam is an inauspicious time period every day. To make life interesting, it is never the same time everyday. So grandmothers have ensured children call them everyday, if for nothing else than to ascertain when Rahu Kalam is.

Up in the air

#chatswithfriends #chatswithpeople #17

Friend: so, you’re unusually active with your status-dialogue things tonight. What’s up?
Me: flight delayed. By almost two hours.
Friend: ah. And you couldn’t read a book?
Me: forgot to get one.
Friend: laptop?
Me: forgot to charge it and all the desks are occupado.

Friend: ok then. So. What airline is this?
Me: Air India
Friend: what?? Really?
Me: hey man they let you take 25 kg. I’m fed up of worrying about excess baggage.
Friend: yet you didn’t bring a book.
Me: shut up.

Friend: so wow Air India. I haven’t flown that in years…since…
Me: the Gulf? Yeah I know. I can only remember flying AI from there. Of course that’s when we weren’t taking Gulf Air.

Friend: god I miss Gulf Air. All those hot hostesses
Me: hot? They had hats with veils kinda thing going on and wore long, long skirts.
Friend (dreamily): yeah…
Me: the Gulf really screwed with your head no you kinked out perv.

Friend (indignant): what? No! I’m not a perv. Please. You’re as messed up. Didn’t you use to steal the cutlery?
Me: true. I’m not proud of it now but yes.
Friend: at one point you had a whole set of embossed Gulf-Air dessert spoons.
Me (dreamily): yeah. Good times.

Friend: well so you’re the perv.
Me: I think you’ll find that that makes me a kleptomaniac.
Friend: and a pedant.
Me: fine. and a status updater. Your 15 seconds are here.
Friend: I just don’t want my name mentioned.
Me: I understand. Your wife doesn’t know about the veil fetish eh?
Friend: I’m blocking you.