#chatswithpeople #chatswithparents #chatswithmeanoldladies #chatswithbats ? #beingfat #54
Me: HOW LONG is Granny aka Super Mean Old Lady with NO FILTER staying?
Mum: a week.
Me: that’s 6 days and 23 hours too long.
Mum: only 3 more days.
Me (surly): how can you tell them apart? It feels like we’re in a time loop, with the same conversations every day.
Mum: would you like some coffee or tea, Amma?
Granny: no, no, I’ll become fat.
Me (what does she mean “become”?): Mum, I’d like a second cup, please.
Bitch Granny: oho. Why? You’ll become fat.
Me What does she mean “become?”): I think I’ll risk it.
Mum: okay. Lunch is rice and gravy ok Amma?
Bitch Granny: yes, yes, no more. I’ll become fat.
Me (What does she mean…Fuck it. EVEN MY THOUGHTS ARE IN A LOOP)
Granny turns her beady little eyes on me: are you skipping lunch?
Me: what?? Never. I’m planning to eat seconds.
Granny (outraged): but you’ll become FAT!
Me: I am FAT! Too late!
Granny: yes! But skip lunch, and dinner, and breakfast and you’ll be THIN! Then you can get married!
Me: I’ll be dead too. Difficult to do a pooja when you’re dead.
Granny: Nonsense! No one dies of not eating anything. You just need to get thin enough so a boy will marry you.
Me: then you find this boy and make HIM skip lunch. After all, he gets to marry me.
Granny: no one wants to marry a fat girl.
Me: then no point skipping lunch anyway.
Granny: you’re so stubborn it’s hopeless.
Me: maybe that’s why I’m so tragically single? oh well. I’ll go eat lunch.
Granny, hitting her head: I don’t want to speak to you anymore.
Me: mum, mum, I WON! It only took like 35 years!
Mum: I still haven’t won; it’s been 37.
Me: eat lunch. Maybe that’ll help.