Some stories have an unexpected epilogue.
Interior: party at friend’s house.
Friend: hello, hello, hello! Come in, come in, come in!
Me: oho. In triplicate eh?
Friend: so don’t be mad, but…Stoner is here.
Me: (lunge for door, unfortunately friend is standing in the way)
Friend: the only advantage to being pregnant. People don’t knock you down.
Me: please, please, please let me go. Please.
Friend: no, no, there’s someone else I want you to meet. So come on. Just avoid Stoner.
From behind us both.
Friend and Me: $%#$%@!!!!
Me:…hi. How are you?
Stoner: good, good, I’m Stoner.
Me: um….yes. Hi.
Stoner:…so what’s your name?
Me:…we’ve…met. (gestures to idiot Friend) She set us up?
Stoner: who? You and me? Impossible. I’d never forget such a pretty face.
Me (stoically): well, mine IS purple right now so…
Friend (elbowing me): Stoner, you guys went out last month. You know?
Stoner leans debonairly on the wall: really? And what time in the morning did you leave?
Me: (bitch face. EXTREME bitch face)
Friend: oh, I…is someone calling me?
Me: move and you’re dead.
Stoner: can I get you a drink?
Me: no. are you stoned right now?
Stoner: as a matter of fact no. I gave it up recently.
Friend and Me: ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Stoner: I’m a stand-up guy I swear. Let me tell you this funny story about how I fell off a bridge.
Me: dear God.
Stoner: yeah it’s a good one. You know, it’s so weird, but a lot of women have fallen in love with me after hearing this story. Hyuk hey can I tell you my favourite pick up line?
Friend and Me: no.
Stoner: “How do you stop your date droning on and on? Use your mouth baby hurr hurr!”
Friend and Me:…………………………..
Friend: I’m so sorry but she’s gotta go. She has this thing.
Me: I love you.
Stoner: already? But I haven’t told you the story yet.
Friend: shut it, Jekyll.
Me: so much love.