2006ish. Every day. 4ish pm.
Me: hello, mother. What can I do for you?
Mum: ah. Hello. You’re busy?
Mum: no seriously.
Me: very busy.
Me: my boss is standing right here and staring at me.
Mum: must be because you’re on the phone instead of working.
Mum: so are you busy?
Me: sigh. What is it mother?
Mum: what should I make for dinner?
Me: SIGH. Must we do this every day?
Mum: tell no.
Me: okay, make cauliflower curry.
Mum: no your daddy doesn’t like that.
Me: okay make lauki curry.
Mum: no your brother doesn’t like that.
Me: okay make beans curry.
Mum: no your sister doesn’t like that.
Me: sigh. Okay make bhindi curry.
Mum: no the maid doesn’t like that.
Mum: I’ll make tinda.
Me: I hate tinda Ma.
Mum: you must learn to eat everything. Okay bye.
2016. Seven godsdamn am. SEVEN.
Maid: didi are you asleep?
Maid: didi breakfast mein kya banaoo?
Maid: didi atta nahi hai.
Maid: didi kanda nahi hai.
Me: toast. Okay? Grrrr.
Maid: achcha. Didi lunch mein kya banaoo?
Me: Kya hai?
Maid: didi sab kuch hai.
Me: achcha. Bhindi banao.
Maid: didi bhindi nahi hai.
Me: (deep breath. IT’S SEVEN AM) gobi aloo banao.
Maid: didi gobi kam hai.
Me: ek minute okay.
Beep beep beep.
Mum: hello? Good morning!
Me: yes yes. There’s someone I want you to talk to. Every day.