You have been warned.
Ex-friend:…so what else is new ya?
Me: I’m still in shock that you’ve called. I haven’t seen or heard from you…in ten years?
Ex-friend: Ya ya. Get so busy you know, with husband and children and family.
Me: Right. Well anyway, so nice reconnecting, definitely must keep in touch on Faceb-
Ex-friend: So you’re still not married?
Me: Um. I’m still not rich either. It’s very vexing.
Ex-friend: No, but are you getting married?
Ex-friend: Planning on getting married?
Ex-friend: Planning on planning on getting married?
Ex-friend: But why?
Me: Because the divorce has just come through no?
Ex-friend: You’re DIVORCED?
Me: Yes. He used to beat me. Everyday.
Me: Yeah. I’ve lost two fingers because of him. And my nose. And an ear. And one quarter of a boob.
Ex-friend: OH MY GOD. But the photos…?
Me: FB deletes them. It’s too ugly. Sob.
Ex-friend: I’m so sorry. I’m. I. Listen I have to go.
Me: I thought you might. Bye.